“hi there, as i recall, yonten spoke about loving others and i wondered if loving oneself (in a healthy way) fits into buddhist philosophy or practice and if so if he could speak to that.  thanks for extending the opportunity to follow up.”  ~ JK

Dear JK,

Thank you for your thoughtful question.

I’m going to draw my answer from my Teacher’s book “8 Steps to Happiness” (pg. 91). In this section he is speaking about how to overcome self-cherishing, which is a selfish mind that neglects others:

We might ask: “If I had no self-cherishing, would that not mean that I dislike myself? Surely it is necessary to accept and love myself, for if I cannot love myself how can I love others?” This is an important point. In Training the Mind in Seven Points Geshe Chekhawa explains a number of commitments of training the mind, which serve as guidelines for Buddhist practitioners. The first of these states: ‘Do not allow your practice of training the mind to cause inappropriate behaviour.” This commitment advices Buddhist practitioners to be happy with themselves. If we are excessively self-critical we shall turn in upon ourself and become discouraged, and this will make it very difficult for us to turn our mind to cherishing others.

Although it is necessary to be aware of our faults, we should not hate ourself for them. This commitment also advises us to take care of ourself and look after our needs. If we try to live without basic necessities such as sufficient food and shelter we shall probably damage our health, and undermine our capacity to benefit others. Moreover, if people see us behaving in an extreme way they may conclude that we are unbalanced, and consequently will not trust us or believe what we say; and under such circumstances we shall not be able to help them. Abandoning self-cherishing completely is not easy and will take a long time. If we are not happy with ourself, or foolishly neglect our own well-being, we shall have neither the confidence nor the energy to effect such a radical spiritual transformation.

Does this section answer your question ?

I appreciate you taking time to consider and ask your question.

Best wishes,
Kelsang Yonten